apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
