i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
