I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i think i just lost a toe
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