It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
