Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
