my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
