I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
