I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
