I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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