Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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