Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
