She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
