I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
