im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
MIDGETS
????
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
