What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
