I just saw a hot homeless man
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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