I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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