Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
