just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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