I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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