yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
