Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
