Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My vagina is officially offended.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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