just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
