Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
