I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
