she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
