Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
