I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
