yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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