My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
