So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize