i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
