You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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