i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
