Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
