If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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