the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
