good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Randomize
