All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize