if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
