I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
