remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
