My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
