If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
