12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
