..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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