remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
