hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
