Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
