Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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