I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
love makes seman taste better
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
