i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
