just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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