It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
