just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
