I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize