I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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