My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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