I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You are a genius and a whore.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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