i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize