How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
