if i can run in heels then i can drive
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
only you would photoshop your dick
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
