so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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