i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
