Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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