Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
