i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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