I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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